|
<<Back to Archives
Printer Friendly Version
A Palm Pilot Saved My Marriage
Becky Edwards
My Organized Life:
It sounds a little crazy that a PDA could save your marriage. What was life like before having one?
Craig: My life was pretty messed up. I kept forgetting appointments and tasks I had promised to do. I had good intentions, but with a bad memory, no amount of intention would make things happen.
Stephanie:
I started resenting him. I loved him like crazy, but my energy was drained trying to keep track of his schedule and remind him of everything -- his meetings, appointments, time to pick up the kids, and responsibilities to other people. I felt like I had a full-grown child to take care of, on top of my other three kids. I couldn’t trust him to be home alone with the kids -- not that he would ever hurt them, he’s a great dad -- but he’d forget to give our son his asthma medicine at noon, or forget to pick up a child from a party. Missing an appointment made us look like we didn’t have our life together, and missing a work meeting meant our family’s paycheck was on the line.
My Organized Life:
How did Craig s disorganization affect your marriage?
Stephanie:
I was attracted to him from the beginning because he seemed ambitious and responsible. But after we were married a couple of years, the more he’d forget things, the more I’d remind him, and the more he would rely on me to remind him. I started feeling drained and resentful, and it was driving a wedge between us. I couldn’t figure how such a good, capable person couldn’t get a handle on this. I felt he didn’t respect me because he didn’t respect my out time, and didn’t love me enough to pull his own weight.
Craig:
One week I had forgotten several things, and knew Stephanie was upset so I brought home flowers. She was appreciative but said, “Honey, flowers die. The kind of flowers I want to blossom in our marriage are ones of little efforts that bring results, that show me you respect me enough to take ownership of your own responsibilities.” That was a turning point for me. I hadn’t realized how much my problem was hurting her.
My Organized Life:
What brought on the change?
Stephanie:
I finally told Craig I was weary of reminding him of everything, carrying the burden by myself, and I was officially stepping down from my habit. Suddenly everything started falling through. I had told him to write his appointments in a planner or calendar, but he would say those didn’t work for him because he’d forget to look. I finally begged him to find some way -- any way -- to get organized. That’s when he got his first PDA. It changed our lives.
My Organized Life:
Stephanie, how did a PDA help heal your marriage?
Stephanie:
The difference is amazing. He has now stepped up to take his rightful place owning his own daily duties. Closeness and peace have replaced frustration and resentment. I don’t have to carry the whole load, because were now a team. Craig feels so much better about himself, he’s more responsible, confident, and self-assured. His efforts make me feel more respected, and I respect him for taking charge more, which makes our marriage better. He also takes more initiative in our family life, so I’m not the only one instigating romantic dates, family activities, or family prayer at
bedtime. I feel more cared about, and I’m more in love with him than ever before.
My Organized Life:
Craig, how has your professional life changed?
Craig:
It’s like night and day. I’m much more productive, more efficient, and now I remember my appointments and tasks. I can retrieve information instantly, like phone numbers on the road, computer passwords at work, or my family’s social security numbers for a health insurance application. I can take notes during a meeting or write a to-do list miles away from the office. I don’t have to memorize anything anymore, so my memory has probably decreased, but my productivity and efficiency have increased. I no longer double book appointments or forget to go somewhere. I’m a lot more on the ball.
Stephanie:
At a Christmas party the wives played a joke on the husbands -- giving their mans favorite item as a white elephant gift, like one wife wrapped her husbands Lord of the Rings DVD set. I wrapped up Craig’s Palm. When he saw it at the party he about had a heart attack.
My Organized Life:
What PDA features do you use most?
Craig:
I love how easy it is to input and retrieve information anywhere. The alarms make it so I no longer miss commitments. I can set the Palm to beep 30 minutes before a lunch appointment, giving me five minutes to pack up, twenty minutes to drive, and still be there with time to spare. I’m on top of my game -- so different than a few years ago. I use the alarm feature for everything – for meetings at work or church, to remind me to e-mail someone after I get home from the office. I even use it as my alarm clock. I do most of the inputting on the computer at work, because I type faster than I write. Then I synchronize the Palm and computer together each time I arrive or leave the office. I like that I have that back up in case the Palm gets lost. If Stephanie wants me to pick up groceries after work, I can write a shopping list on the Palm, and as I check items off, they disappear so all I see is the remaining shopping list.
PDAs now come with a lot of fun features, but the main ones are:
1) Task list, which can be broken down into categories like business, personal, church. The tasks can also be prioritized so the most urgent ones appear at the top of the list.
2) Contact list for phone numbers, addresses, and e-mail addresses.
3) Note taking
4) Calendar
Stephanie:
The alarms are the best. Craig even reminds himself to pack up and leave work on time, or to have family prayer at night. I also like his downloaded Bible on the Palm, so he can read it in bed without leaving the light on, which means I get more sleep.
My Organized Life:
Why does a Palm work for you if the other systems didn’t?
Stephanie:
Craig is naturally inclined to technology and gadgets (what guy isn’t?), so he was motivated to use it. But he was also motivated by wanting to make our marriage better. Craig: I had tried planners and calendars, but either they were too bulky to carry everywhere, or Id forget to look at them. The Palm is so small I can take it anywhere, so I do. The key was forming a habit of taking it with me everywhere I go, and then remembering to pull it out and jot down an appointment or task right when it arises.
My Organized Life:
How did you form the habit?
Craig:
My wife reminded me to at first. Then the more I saw how my life was changing because of it, I was motivated to, and now I don’t go anywhere without it. Stephanie: It’s a part of his life now. He has really stepped up. I’m so proud of him.
My Organized Life:
So there’s hope for chronic forgetters?
Craig:
Definitely. If I can pull my life together this successfully, anyone can. One key is finding a gadget that makes you motivated to use it. I like electronics, but Stephanie would never give up her planner, because she likes writing on paper. Another key is forming a habit of bringing it with you everywhere, and writing down appointments or tasks right when they occur to you.
Stephanie:
Many people have a memory problem, which can cause frustration and resentment in their relationships, not to mention holding them back from reaching their potential. Having one focal organizing system makes life so much easier.
| 
